Thursday, October 4, 2012 @1:59 AM
Didn't think I would be back here. It's been sooo long that even blogger has changed their interface. But here I am tonight, messed up with many unclear thoughts in the head yet again. I'm not sure what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, or even why I'm feeling so...restless. Perhaps writing will help. Perhaps writing will organise my thoughts and make them more comprehensible.
It's 4 Oct 2012. Over a year has passed since I first talk to
you. And you're the greatest thing in my life right now.
I get it now, I get why I am so restless. Because I still feel like shit over everything that had happened. Finding myself had been hard enough, now making an
us happen is gonna be hard too? Why can't others just be happy for us? Why can't they see that sometimes, for the love of god, it's not about
you or
your happiness. Sometimes it's about other people's happiness. Granted, what I just wrote can come back to me too. But for how long will you shove these obligations into my hands, making me choose between duty to others and happiness? Must that duty forever win? What about my duty to myself?
Thank you to all who try to be happy with who and where I am right now. I will remember you, will eternally be grateful for your effort. Should I truly grow stronger from this episode, know that it really is because you guys believe in me.
For I am weak alone and with nothing to lose. So should you choose to shoot me down, I
will fall. And if it keeps raining over a fire, it will snuff out eventually.
"You can't force others to change, so change yourself." How I wish you can listen to yourself sometimes. And not just hear you speak, but really listen to the words you speak. Life is a two-way street darling.
Give me a bloody break from your scrutiny and disappointment- judgements.