Yeah well. Its more of the middle of a new chapter. And im back to writing because it will calm me down and i so desperately need it.
Not tonight though. Tonight, I shall just rejoice in the fact that i took the first step to letting it out. And these are the promises i shall make to myself.
1) I will write. I will write my emotions out because heck I keep them to myself alot, and alot of these are pretty secret society stuffs anyway
2) For every paragraph I write about despair, I shall make it a point to write another equally long paragraph about good things in life. About the sunshines and rainbows cause God forbids I get depressed all by myself right now, cause my Happy man is gone and nobody has that duty of bringing me back from the edge any longer.
So there goes. And hopefully, this shall be my salvation.
And with even more prayers, our salvation.
Goodnight. And i hope nobody is actually still reading this site 😊
Didn't think I would be back here. It's been sooo long that even blogger has changed their interface. But here I am tonight, messed up with many unclear thoughts in the head yet again. I'm not sure what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, or even why I'm feeling so...restless. Perhaps writing will help. Perhaps writing will organise my thoughts and make them more comprehensible.
It's 4 Oct 2012. Over a year has passed since I first talk to you. And you're the greatest thing in my life right now.
I get it now, I get why I am so restless. Because I still feel like shit over everything that had happened. Finding myself had been hard enough, now making an us happen is gonna be hard too? Why can't others just be happy for us? Why can't they see that sometimes, for the love of god, it's not about you or your happiness. Sometimes it's about other people's happiness. Granted, what I just wrote can come back to me too. But for how long will you shove these obligations into my hands, making me choose between duty to others and happiness? Must that duty forever win? What about my duty to myself?
Thank you to all who try to be happy with who and where I am right now. I will remember you, will eternally be grateful for your effort. Should I truly grow stronger from this episode, know that it really is because you guys believe in me.
For I am weak alone and with nothing to lose. So should you choose to shoot me down, I will fall. And if it keeps raining over a fire, it will snuff out eventually.
"You can't force others to change, so change yourself." How I wish you can listen to yourself sometimes. And not just hear you speak, but really listen to the words you speak. Life is a two-way street darling.
Give me a bloody break from your scrutiny and disappointment- judgements.
LOL.
As I was reading my blog archives, specifically the entry about my 2011 New Year resolution's, I realised that I never bothered to list down any for 2012. It completely slipped my mind.
Geez. When am I gg to change?
When people change.
And youre one of them.
Truth hurts.
Especially when you didnt want to know any part of it,
yet you yourself went on to seek for it.
Youre a past that i never want to revisit.
Reminiscing makes you emotional.
I wish you're well.
A tiring, but eventful week.
Hahaah, im happy :)) Tyou.
And to everyone else, i hope you guys are having fun doing all your.. afterschool fun stuffs yea! :D
Cant wait to see where this goes.